Adsense Large Leaderboard

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Embrace of the Vampire (1995) - Alyssa Milano Surprises!

Embrace of the Vampire: Alyssa Milano at her Sexy Best

DVD cover Embrace of the Vampire 1995

Some films really only serve only one purpose, but they serve it quite well. "Gia" is a fine movie if you want to see a dynamite Angelina Jolie, "Mischief" is great if you want to see Kelly Preston in her prime, "Femme Fatale" is the film to see if you want to see a lot of Rebecca Romijn in more ways than one, and so on and so forth.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"I think I'll casually take my clothes off now...."
Well, "Embrace of the Vampire" (1995) has one true purpose, which it also serves extremely well. That is to get Alyssa Milano out of her clothes and into the arms of various others. Female others, mostly. Because, you know, in soft-core thrillers, if it's two girls together, it's not nearly as serious to those who care about such things as it would be if it were a girl and a guy. I know, go figure, but that's how it worked then, and undoubtedly still does in the world of cheesy thrillers like "Embrace of the Vampire."
Kemp and Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
Oh, there is this annoying guy who keeps taking up screen time in which Alyssa could be making out with other girls
That purpose is to show Alyssa Milano in a lesbian seduction, wrought by upperclasswoman photographer "Sarah" played by Charlotte Lewis. The scene is a masterpiece of its kind, starting out with Alyssa dressed in a virginal white outfit, sitting sweetly and innocently on a park bench by herself in what appears to be the early morning, just waiting to be picked up.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"My, what big knees you have!"
Suddenly, along comes the seductress Lewis, clad in black and holding a large phallic camera. Almost no words are exchanged, and believe me, this scene doesn't need any. Somebody knew their business when they blocked out this one. Of course, there's absolutely no need for this scene in "Embrace of the Vampire" at all, it just pops out of nowhere and leads nowhere, so you can always fast-forward through it if you find the plot absolutely gripping and don't want to be bothered with this lesbian nonsense....
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
Alyssa getting mentally primed for the big seduction scene
Let's back up a second. In "Embrace of the Vampire," Alyssa Milano plays Charlotte (it gets a little confusing with all these Charlottes around, but bear with me), an innocent virgin (but not for long) who is having bad dreams about sex. She learns that a vampire is after her, though it's never quite clear whether she really "realizes" it or not, because she invariably is seeing visions or sleepwalking during these encounters. The vampire is cursed and must seduce her (apparently she's the only virgin around) and make her love him within three days or he will die. The only problem is, Charlotte is in love with someone else. Now, I could go on and on about how this is a fine movie with a wonderful plot, starring a fine villain (and I cannot fathom under any circumstances why Alyssa did not receive top billing), and which furthers the media's endless efforts to turn every single last book and film into a tale about non-existent creatures known as vampires.
Charlotte Lewis Embrace of the Vampire 1995
Charlotte Lewis sizing up her prey
Well, "Embrace of the Vampire" is not a fine movie - unless you watching it for its sole purpose for being. Then, "Embrace of the Vampire" is stellar! So, on with the big seduction scene.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"OH MY GOD, you want me to take my top off? Really? Oh, well, fine."

As is sometimes the case in these kinds of take-it-to-the-limit-female-exploitation flicks, the director is a woman (Anne Goursaud), which insulates "Embrace of the Vampire" from at least one line of attack as being, well, anti-woman. It was made by women, right? It almost makes watching this sexualized crap a feminist statement! Lordy, lordy, Hallelujah! Feminists can be such suckers.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"Don't look, I'm so shy. Oh, wait, no I'm not!"
Because of the success of this project, Goursaud and Alyssa went on to do "Poison Ivy 2," which isn't nearly as titillating as "Embrace of the Vampire." (Goursaud's directing peak, by the by, was "Another Nine & a Half Weeks," which tells you something about her special talent right there).
Lewis and Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
Ok, back to the real action. Alyssa just looks so uncertain, that's the key to the whole scene working
"Embrace of the Vampire" has made its backers a TON of money on video sales, and thus stands as one of the all-time most successful movies that you never heard of. How can that be?? See above about the "sole purpose," or glance at any of the accompanying pictures. These kinds of films, the ones that go so far that they fall out of the "good date movie" category because girls get jealous and don't like them (yes, that's a gross generalization). Thus, the films look like failures if you just look at what they earned on general theatrical release. However, sometimes films like "Embrace of the Vampire" find their true life in the film kingdom's afterlife - video sales, where guys can just buy the tape or DVD without their significant other having any say about it. You'd be amazed - or at least I am - at some of the real stinkers that everyone thinks are flops, but wound up earning tidy sums from sales and rentals. "Embrace of the Vampire" is a classic in that regard.
Alyssa Milano lexbian kiss Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"You really don' t need to kiss me for that autograph...."
There are odd corners of the Internet where the question is endlessly debated, "what is the hottest mainstream film sex scene?" Let me tell you, the Milano/Lewis scene in "Embrace of the Vampire" comes up a lot in such places.
Charlotte Lewis Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"Nah, I'm not into this at all."
I'll be honest with you here, as always. I have a confession to make. I don't think I've ever made it all the way through "Embrace of the Vampire" in one sitting. "Embrace of the Vampire" is just not that kind of film... if you know what I mean. Sitting through it in the theater must have been torturous. Watching it at home? Pure bliss.
Milano and Lewis Embrace of the Vampire 1995
Charlotte Lewis also helps make the scene work, with her determined pushing of Milano forward
As drama, as comedy, as just about anything, "Embrace of the Vampire" is as dull as dishwater and opaque as mud. Figuring out what the hyperventilating vampire really wants - or, put more precisely, caring about what he wants - takes way too much effort. It's one of those things where he has rules, and he has to go about things indirectly, and he just becomes annoying. On the other hand, watching Alyssa Milano undress and be seduced takes no effort at all. No problems there, mate! Alyssa Milano has said that she took "Embrace of the Vampire" during a period of her career when she would have taken just about anything - and believe me, "Embrace of the Vampire" is just about anything.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"Well, I'll suffer through this I suppose...."
One of the odder stories about the early days of the Internet concerns Alyssa Milano. Her mother was aghast - AGHAST - that people would post nude photos of her daughter online (I guess she wasn't as aghast that her daughter posed for those photos in the first place, but then, when the photos were taken, Alyssa got paid, but when they were posted online, well....). And Alyssa's little brother could find them online! Her LITTLE BROTHER! And innocent little Alyssa was being spread all over the Internet like a common harlot! Or vampirish vixen.
Alyssa Milano lesbian Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"I really don't need mouth-to-mouth, but I'll try anything once....."
So, mama spent countless hours and much time and money hunting down the offenders and blasting that filth off the web. This actually was a big deal back in the '90s, which wasn't all that long ago.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
I wonder if Alyssa Milano had a few drinks before filming this?
Well, a very, very, VERY quick look will tell you that mama must have given up, because today there are countless screen captures of her daughter's famous (topless) scene from this film on the Internet (as well as similar scenes from "Poison Ivy 2"). Maybe it was all a publicity stunt, but a very strange one for any mother to play out.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
These scenes really have nothing to do with the plot, but you won't mind.....
Just so you know, the plot is something about Alyssa being the object of lust for some vampire (Martin Kemp, I think he was in Spandau Ballet or something, like, whatever, good for him) who pines after her. I mean, don't they all? Does the vampire get her? Who cares! The lesbian seduction scene comes along way before the vampire does anything, and by then, you will have switched this thing off - I can practically guarantee that.
Alyssa Milano goth look Embrace of the Vampire 1995
The Goth look really works on Alyssa
No, this is not a cinematic classic. It did not win any Academy Awards. The music is forgettable, and the acting is wooden. So what?
Let me be clear: even fully clothed, Alyssa Milano is just smokin' hot in  "Embrace of the Vampire"
Alyssa Milano is so cute and adorable, isn't she? Jennifer Tilly of all people shows up mid-way through "Embrace of the Vampire." She has the thankless task of following Alyssa Milano's big sex scenes, and you don't want to do that. Not if you want to get any attention yourself, that is.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
All the girls are going, "What shade is that lipstick? I want to try it." The guys are like, there's lipstick?
I hear they are considering re-making "Embrace of the Vampire" for who knows what reason. Well, we know the reason, it made a ton of money. I absolutely, positively guarantee you that, though, that because any remake of "Embrace of the Vampire" would not have a young Alyssa Milano disrobing ("I really hope my Poison Ivy II days are behind me," Alyssa Milano has said, and by that she really meant "Embrace of the Vampire," not "Poison Ivy II," which isn't nearly as salacious) and being groped by another woman, it will not be as good as this version.
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 1995
"You fiendish brute! Would you hurry up and take my top off now?"
That really is all you need to know about Alyssa Milano in "Embrace of the Vampire." Below is a short clip which unfortunately is mostly of Martin Kemp hyper-ventilating, but you take what you can get. The film's set-up is ridiculous, "I have found her!" indeed.


1 comment:

  1. thank you for your review of this fine film that i loved watching at stanford, palo alto and portola valley. stephen e hansen